Miss Piggy Interview

BIOGRAPHY, February, 1998

IN THIS INTERVIEW, MISS PIGGY SHARES HER THOUGHTS ON HOW TO GET A DATE.

BIOGRAPHY:   Miss Piggy, as an expert on love and romance, in your opinion, what are the most important qualities in someone of the opposite sex – or species?

MISS PIGGY:   I think kindness, compassion, a sense of humor – and someone who also likes to go to jewelry stores and is green.

BIOGRAPHY:  What’s the best way to meet someone?

MISS PIGGY:  Dress like moi, look like moi, smell like moi. Just be moi.

BIOGRAPHY:  Do you think personal ads or blind dates are good ideas?

MISS PIGGY:  Moi has no use for personal ads. One thing moi has learned from many years of mail-order shopping is nothing ever looks as good in your home as it looks in the catalog. And, as far as blind dates are concerned, moi does not discriminate.

BIOGRAPHY:  What’s a good opening line when you meet someone?

MISS PIGGY:  I usually start with, "Hello, my name is Miss Piggy. May I please see your latest bank statement?"

AND HOW SHOULD ONE CONDUCT ONESELF ON A DATE?

BIOGRAPHY:  How can a person tell the difference between love and lust?

MISS PIGGY:  Lust is spelled differently.

BIOGRAPHY:  How far should a girl go on the first date?

MISS PIGGY:  Tucson. You shouldn’t go farther than Tucson. However, if you live in Texas, you can probably go a little farther. But if you’re on the East Coast, I wouldn’t go past Tucson. The gas money would kill you.

BIOGRAPHY:  Suppose he invites you to his lily pad – should you go?

MISS PIGGY:  You’re talking about my frog.

BIOGRAPHY: Well, there might be other frogs out there.

MISS PIGGY:  (Laughs) Too amusing. There are no other frogs out there.

BIOGRAPHY:  I’m sorry. Well, if you go out someplace on the first date, who should pay, the woman or the man?

MISS PIGGY:  The man.

BIOGRAPHY:  Always?

MISS PIGGY:  Of course! What do you think, I’m out of my mind? I believe men and women are not equal, by the way.

BIOGRAPHY:  Who’s superior?

MISS PIGGY:  I think we females are much superior. However, when it comes to paying, I think the men are superior. I think they do that excellently. You gotta give them something.

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